mandycandypants

This weekend was, ugh, boring. Elbos Friday. Hung out with the girls last night. We could not find a single fucking thing to do in this damn town, so I was home by 1am. And today I basically sat around and did nothing. Well, I did go to Barnes and Noble to get the new Alternative Press magazine and Chipotle, but that took like 20 minutes. Now, I have to work for the next 5 days, yippee.

Tuesday, I'm getting the Monroe piercing before work. I'll probably get fired, but I could care less. It's my life and my body and if I wanna get it, I'm gonna fucking get it.

Saturday is the Auburndale video shoot at Elbos. I'm soooo excited. I'm gonna spend all this week getting the perfect outfit together and making sure I'll look super hot for it, hehe. I'm going on a one meal a day diet and only drinking water, (ok, maybe just one Pepsi a day, but thats it) and nooo drinking til the weekend. I need to get skinny quick! I may even go tanning, but we'll see. Haha, I'm so vain, even though I have absolutely no confidence in myself whatsoever!

On a side note, I need a boy real bad. I need affection, like just someone to cuddle with and hold my hand and kiss me and tell me good things about myself. I miss that.

Grrr, I'm pretty sure until I have another guy in my life, I'm gonna think about him constantly, like I already do. And its not him that I miss, by ANY means, i just miss being with someone.

BEING SINGLE SUCKS!

Guh, I'm going to bed, cause I'm in a blah mood and this whole not eating thing is driving me nuts.

We had a meeting at work today. They told us no more laptops until we start doing better. But guess where I am right now and what I am using. Yeah, I love working alone on weekends. I fucking have done nothing but bust my ass for this place and have done nothing wrong with my shift checks for about 2 monthes, so I don't feel like I should have to be punished for the stupidity of others.

So, last night was Saves The Day and The Early November. I had just about the best time ever! Me and Jen got to Columbus around 6:15, and since the line to get into the show was really long, we just went to a bar down the street and had a few drinks before we went in. We got into Newport right before Emanuel played there last song, which happened to be the only one of theirs I really knew, which made me happy. Seeing The Early November again was so incredible. They are so talented and put on such an amazing show. And Ace has an incredible voice, makes my heart melt everytime! I got a pic with him, which I'm so excited about(yeah, I'm a teenybopper)!!! By the time Saves The Day came on, I was pretty buzzed, so I was dancing like a mad fool. I took pics of both bands, but they aren't very good cause my camera sucks. When I get the money, I'm buying a better camera so I can actually take good pics. The sucky part of the night was the fact that Senses Fail headlined. Yeah, over Saves The Day, can you believe that shit?!?!?! They were terrible, of course. This probably 15 year old girl standing behind us during Saves The Day yelled, "get off the fucking stage, bring out Senses Fail!" I about punched the little bitch. Kids just don't understand what is good music anymore. Prime example, Hawthorne. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like shitty bands, but I at least appreciate all types of music.

So I'm sure most of you think, wow, Mandy goes to a lot of shows. Well, i do. But its because I love music more than anything else in the world. I can't exaplin why, but I just do. Its the main thing that makes me happy. So yeah, thats why I go to soooooo many shows. Speaking of which I just found out that Story Of The Year is coming to Bogarts on December 16th. Guess whos going, woohoo!!!

I feel nauseous. I can't not stop thinking about how much in debt I am. I can't believe I've done this to myself. I'm so close to saying fuck it and just declaring bankruptcy. I'm working with a debt settlement program, but I understand nothing about it and my parents won't look over the paperwork with me and explain it to me. I've paid $700 to this place in the past 2 monthes and I have NO clue where this money is going to. I have a feeling I'm being ripped off. Thanks mom and dad!

My mind is running about a trillion times a minute.

Forget a therapist, I'm gonna need a lawyer soon.

I have really really felt like writing in this thing lately but have held myself back from it. I have either felt like I don't know how to express the things I'm thinking in writing, cause I always feel like everything I ever write sounds so childish, or that I will be made fun of or be told I'm lame for how I'm feeling, which happens a lot by my "friends" who read my myspace blogs. But I really don't care anymore, cause it's my life, my feelings, and my livejournal and you don't have to read this if you don't want to.

For no real reason at all tonight, I have been so upset, like on the verge of tears, and I seriously don't know why. Nothing happened today that should make me feel this way. But, this is kinda thing is something I have been getting used to lately.

I swear, I have not been myself for at least a month now. Just the slightest things upset me anymore.

Like tonight, I was looking around on Myspace, and I got upset cause I wish I could be half as pretty as some of these other girl I see on there and have boys want to be with me like they want these other girls. I wish I was skinnier, I didn't have acne, I was taller, I was prettier and I just had more confidence in myself physically.

I know that not just these things alone will get me a guy, which is another thing I can't stand about myself. I wish I wasn't so shy around boys I like and/or I wish I could be more trusting of guys, which is hard when I've been fucked over so many times by guys.

Boys boys boys, why do they always seem to be the main source of distress in my life, grrrr. (Trust me, the fact that I always seem to be upset about boys, annoys me too)

I've also been about how things have been going with my friends lately.

Don't get me wrong, I have THE greatest friends in the world, thats not what this is about. I'm not mad at anyone at all, so don't think that.

I guess what I've been feeling lately is that I'm kinda growing apart from my best friends, which is killing me. I've been through sooo much with over the years with these girls and they are pretty much the main reason I have even made it as far as I have. Right now I just feel so seperated from them. I wish I got to see them more, but unlike the loser I am, they are actually being productive with their lives and going to school, so I can't expect them to be always available to hangout with or talk to. I just miss them so much and I miss the way things used to be. Growing up sucks.

Those are the main things on my mind right now.

I really wanna be happy again, but I don't know how to get out of this funk I'm in.

I also think I'm just so physically and mentally exhausted from working like every single day and never getting a day to just rest, that my brain is on overload and its about to explode!

Maybe I should start looking into going to see a therapist.

Cheap wine, crutches, and hair dye, that was the makings of the best night ever that I had with Lyss last night. I haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. Me and Lyss may be the 2 most retarded people in the world, but I love it!!!! I don't think I'd be able to live without that girl. Shes the best friend I could ever ask for. Babe, we're totally gonna find an apartment and move out over the summer! Its settled.

Tonight, work 3-7:30, then Hammerjax with Lyss, Pam, Sara, and tons of other people. And you know its gonna be another awesome night!

How come I had 8 drinks and 2 shots last night, and I'm not hungover or dead. And... how come I got one of those drinks and both shots for free. Oh yeah, cause I'm a hot lady. Lol, KIDDING! But yeah, I went to buy the drink and a shot and the bartender told me someone had took care of paying for them for me. I felt so special. And lordy, was the boy cute who bought them for me. And I talked to him for like an hour last night online after I got home, until my brother was a fucking douche bag and disconnected me offline. I really hate him right now. He has SERIOUS anger management issues. And I will make sure he never gets a girlfriend, cause he'll end beating her cause thats the kinda guy he is. OK, enough about him.

Me, Lyss, and Pam had A LOT of fun. Lyss said she really liked Pam, which makes me happy cause I love when my friends meet and get along real well. And we took some pics in the bathroom, so I'll post them soon too.

And Jon and Luke from Scenes From A Movie are super cool dudes and their band is really really good. They better come back around here soon. Jon said they are gonna be doing a bunch of shows in Ohio with Hit The Lights in May, so I'm sooooo there.

Oh, and The Scene was super good last night, but not like that was a surprise, cause they always put on an awesome show. And I shall be seeing them again on Thursday. Yippee!

So, this was the best weekend I've had in a long time. And I know I said it in my last post, but I really do love my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Elbos again tonight for Hip Hop Night, even though I have to work at 9 tomorrow. OH WELL!!! Fuck sleep when I could be getting crunked with my friends!

Tonight was absolutely amazing. I love my friends! We got dressed up all fancy and went to Chuck-E-Cheese for Rachels bday. I took lots of pics, that I'll post once I can upload them to my computer. But yes, it was a really fun time.

Hoping tomorrow night will be just as amazing. EVERYONE should go see The Scene at Elbos tomorrow night. These boys are about to make it big, so you should see them now so you can tell everyone you saw them before they were famous. Plus, they are just an incredibly talented band and really great guys. So, be there. I'll be there with my hot lady friends, so why wouldn't you want to go, lol.

P.s. I have a crush on like 3 boys right now. Craziness!!

So, I've decided... I'm gonna start saving money and move to New York City and I'm gonna live my life like Carrie from Sex and The City, cause shes my idol.

Hey, a girl can dream can't she!

I need a new job. I am scheduled 4 FUCKING HOURS next week. Do you realize how ridiculous that is! Its ok though, I don't have bills to pay and I don't need money to live. I seriously hate my manager. Anyone know anywhere thats hiring?

I got to hang out with Pam on Monday. I haven't seen her in like a month, so it was nice to see her. We went to Elbos, but couldn't get in cause it was filled over capacity. So we just went to Dennys and ate and talked, then waited for the boys to get there. Pam and I might go to Club Fusion on Saturday, if we can work up the nerve to go. Don't know if I wanna get shot. But we'll see.

Went to Golden Choral last night with Lyss. When I got home, I was gonna watch a movie with James, but around midnight, I passed out. Working 6 days in a row just exhausted me. Then I woke at 5am and I was in such bad pain I could barely breathe. Stupid cramps!!! And I couldn't find my percocet, so I was super pissed. Took 3 tylenol, but its not like that did anything.

So, I woke up around noon. Me, James, and Christopher went to eat at applebees. And now, I'm here, watching some show about awesomely bad love songs on Vh1. What a great day off!!

Work tomorrow 11-7:30, then going to Elbos to see Sputnik Halo.

Friday work 9-5:30, the most likely going to Elbos again to see Mouth Of The Architect and The Legendary Nightbeast!!!

This should be a good weekend, especially since my Sara and Brit will be back. I miss them TERRIBLY!!

Work, work, work.... thats all I've done for the last 4 days. 2 more to go before I have a day off.

PMS sucks. I've been sooooo moody lately. Everything has been making me upset. Boys, work, family, friends, everything!

And now I'm getting sick. Just my luck.

Hung out with Lyss last night. Went to dinner and to see "The Ring 2." Dumb movie, but had fun with my love!

I'm so jealous. Sara and Tim are in Texas and Brit is in Florida. I wanna go on vacation! I get to go to Chicago in May, so that should be fun. Kim, be ready to hang out with me!

I seriously wish I had a boy. One that actually cared about me and liked me for me. But I doubt that is possible, especially here in Dayton.

What I'm looking forward to in the next couple weeks:
-Getting to hang with Meg and Lyss more this week cause they are on spring break.
-Sara, Tim, and Brit getting back from vacation.
-The Scene at Elbos on the 27th.
-Hit The Lights show in Lima on the 1st. Hope Kim is coming!!!
-Straylight Run, SPITALFIELD, Gratitude, The Honorary Title, and Minus The Bear in Cleveland on the 6th with Brit.